


The Note

by drachoemaloy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Confused Tony, Dark Loki (Marvel), Don't say "Bucky" around The Winter Soldier, Faked Suicide, Insecure Tony, Kinda, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Suicide Notes, Tags May Change, The Winter Soldier Uses They/Them Pronouns, The Winter Soldier is a Mess, The Winter Soldier wants to be petted, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, but we been knew, someone faked it for him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-29 23:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drachoemaloy/pseuds/drachoemaloy
Summary: He took a deep breath before the doors opened, preparing himself for what was to come. He probably needed something stronger to prepare himself for what was there.*~*~*~*~*~*When Tony comes back from a business trip, a note on the counter leads to things he doesn't even want to acknowledge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this ages ago and really loved the idea but I never finished writing it. I thought that maybe if I posted what I had already done, it would motivate me to write more. I have another chapter almost done but I need to think of where I want this to go. Basically, bare with me and I might get more done.
> 
> Also, I'm probably going to change the title if I can think of anything better.

Tony walked around the near-empty tower. He would’ve asked Jarvis where everyone was but, for the first time, he was scared to talk to his AI. He stepped into the communal kitchen and frowned at the unwashed dishes in the sink. Steve had made a chart for chores and no one dared to go against Captain America about it. The mould growing and smell suggested that they had been there for a few days at least. It was typical that the week he had to leave the country, the Avengers seemed to break down. Maybe they really did need him. He noticed an ajar cupboard and moved to open it completely only to find it to be empty. In confusion, he quickly opened the next one, and the next until all the cupboards were open and there wasn’t a crumb in sight. Or maybe they didn’t need him and were waiting for him to leave so they could? Tony could understand the latter better.

There was a noise from the lounge next to the kitchen and he tensed, trying to hear anything else. Nothing. Tony took in a shaky breath and pulled the gauntlet out of his watch, flexing slightly. He tiptoed over to the wall between him and the lounge and, after another breath, turned to look in, gauntlet aimed. There was nothing explicitly strange about the room except the dull aurora. Usually, the communal living room was a joyous, calming place for them all. Tony scanned the room once more and noticed a certain redhead on the sofa facing away from him. He lowered his gauntlet but not by much since he also noticed the bottle of vodka she was drinking out of. He slowly walked around and when he reached her peripheral vision her eyes followed him. He sat on the edge of the other sofa and carefully reached for the bottle to take it away. He knew Natasha could handle her drinks but, if the other bottles on the table in the middle were anything to go by, she had reached her limit. She let go of the bottle easily and watched him instead.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” She stated, not kindly, after a while of analysing him.

“Well, clearly, I’m not,” He replied frowning. She continued to look at him for a second before she started laughing. And hysterically. Tony had never seen Nat like this and was rather concerned. “Nat, where is everyone?” That only made her laugh harder.

“Gone. They fucked off after we found your fucking note.” She continued to laugh but her words were venom and Tony had to force himself not to flinch at the tone.

“What note? Hold on, let me get you some water.” He stood up to go back to the kitchen. He could quickly wash one of the used cups in the sink for her.

“Don’t bother. This is how I want to die,” she slurred and grabbed at him.

“You wouldn’t let me die of alcohol poisoning and I am not letting you die from it either,” he insisted and easily swerved her hand (maybe once he figured out what the hell was going on here, he might revel in that being the first time he escaped her grasp). He made quick work of getting her the water, scared she’d pass out before he got to her and searched the cupboards one last time to see if he could find any pain reliever for her tomorrow. Upon finding nothing, he rushed back to the lounge and, luckily, Nat was still conscious

“Here, drink,” He ordered pressing the water to her lips. She obeyed mindlessly but after a few sips, she leaned back to asses him again. “Nat, you mentioned a note. Can you tell me what note?” He figured this was his best shot at asking her anything. 

“Your note,” she replied like he knew what she meant.

“What did it say?” He pressured, hating the fury in her eyes.

“Don’t play dumb Stark, you know it doesn’t suit you,” she spat.

“I forgot; you know I forget sometimes,” he went to sooth her hair back and, despite her words, she let him, leaning into the touch.

“Fine. If you really can’t remember, take a look for yourself,” she gestured to the bar on the far side of the room, “you can’t miss it; Steve put a knife through it.” And with that, she started laughing again. Tony laid her down and put the water next to her so she could see it when she woke up. He would not envy her hangover. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and she swatted in his general direction.

Tony stood up, now fully noticing the knife upright in the table. If he hadn’t already guessed that whatever was going on was not good, that would have been his first clue. What had made Steve so angry that he stabbed a table? Tony let out a heavy sigh but still walked over to the bar. He didn’t even need to resist reaching for a drink because it seemed half the liquor shelf was smashed and the other half Nat must have invaded. 

Reaching the table, he realised the knife went through something, a piece of paper, before it went through the table. He couldn’t see what was on the note as it was upside down but he could guess it wasn’t good. Hesitantly, he wrapped his hand around the knife and tugged. Then tugged again because Steve had put it in a lot deeper than he thought. When the knife finally gave, the note stayed stuck to it. Tony looked back at Nat for a second before pulling it off and slowly placing the knife on the bar.

The note was inexplicably in his handwriting but he had no memory of writing anything of the sort. Tony’s eyebrows furrowed as he hurriedly read the note, sucking in a breath at the words.

>   
>  “To all,
> 
> You deserve more than one note between you all and I know that. I just don’t have it in me and you all deserved more than me anyway.  
>  This may seem confusing but I’ve had a life in the camera; I know how to hide things well. I didn’t want to upset you because you’ve become like family to me, so I kept it hidden. All of it. All of the pain, if you can even call it that anymore. It’s just numb now. I’m numb now.  
>  I’ve probably told you that I’ve gone on some sort of business trip or something along those lines. It’s a lie. Where I’m going is much more permanent. See, I figured that if I only create destruction and anguish alive then I must do more good and maybe even create peace dead.  
>  It’s not like you need me anyway or the Earth. What’s earth got to lose without one of its ‘defenders’? There are still plenty more.  
>  You can still live in the tower, of course. It’s called the Avengers Tower for a reason. JARVIS will still order things in (as I said, you really don’t need me).  
>  I would write more but my ride is almost here and I can’t miss it. I don’t want to do this in your presence. Not after all you’ve done for me. Oh and don’t look for me. JARVIS is on strict orders to not say anything and you won’t be able to track my ride. _I_ would barely be able to track it.
> 
> It’s been a pleasure knowing you.
> 
> Peace out,
> 
> T.S.”  
> 

Tony read the note over and over, getting increasingly more confused each time. Hesitantly, he opened his mouth. He glanced quickly over to Natasha again before looking into the closest camera.

“JARVIS?” No one was there to hear Tony’s voice crack.

“Welcome back, sir.” Tony let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“J… what is this?” 

“I can’t say for sure, sir, but it has caused a lot of distress. You’ve seen Miss Romanov; Dr Banner hastily left to India as soon as he read it; Thor, after smashing the left side of the bar, left the planet; Mr Barton has taken to the vents.” Tony stared at the knife on the table.

“And Steve?” He questioned after a second.

“I lost the coordinates of Captain Rogers 37 hours ago,” JARVIS informed. 

“Why,” Tony’s voice broke again, “Why didn’t you tell them?”

“The Avengers asked me on many occasions where you were and if you were alive. I told them the truth, that you were in France and were in perfect health but I believe that they thought you had told me to say that in response.” Tony knew it wasn’t JARVIS’ fault, but he couldn’t help but blame the AI for not being more clear or providing evidence to them.

Tony had multiple questions but he swallowed them all down to confirm what he knew. He found that things were easier to figure out if you knew what you knew.

“So only Clint and Natasha are here?” 

“There appears to be four heat signatures, including yours, in the tower, sir.” Tony frowned.

“Four? Who’s the fourth?” 

“I do not know, sir. Facial recognition is being blocked.”

“By a mask?”

“Of some sort, yes.”

“Where?”

“The penthouse.” Tony was already on his way to the elevator but froze in his tracks when he heard that. Hardly even Tony went into the penthouse and it was his floor.

“JARVIS, have a suit ready. Just in case things get ugly.” Tony ordered as he stepped into the elevator.

“Yes, sir.” 

The ride up was only slow because Tony was trying to make sense of the whole situation. Who would fake his own suicide? Were they planning on killing him and using it as coverage? Surely they would have done it when he was in France, then? Who could forge his handwriting? Why did the Avengers believe he’d write them a note when he was so dependent on technology? Why would they believe the note in the first place? Why would they think Tony would kill himself?

By the time Tony got to the penthouse, his head was throbbing. He didn’t think he had been this confused about anything ever. He took a deep breath before the doors opened, preparing himself for what was to come. He probably needed something stronger to prepare himself for what was there.

Sitting on the ground with their back against the sofa, staring at a pop art poster of Ironman leaning against the coffee table, was the Winter Soldier, in all his glory. Tony lifted his gauntlet covered hand and aimed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s with the green eyes, Coldplay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this got less dark, I think. I mean there's less reference to suicide but it's still there? Idk. But I do know I don't have anything else in editing so let's hope I fell motivated enough to finish this at some point. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

“Are you lost?” He asked, trying to steady his breathing. It would be absolutely perfect timing if The Soldier wasn’t lost. Perfect because… you know… none of the Avengers would be there to help him.

The Soldier slowly turned to look at him and all Tony could think was that this must have been the last thing his parents saw. The Soldier slowly lifted their hand up and pulled their goggles down around their neck. Then went the muzzle which was placed gently on the ground next to them as if it was treasured.

Despite Tony knowing the true identity of The Soldier, to suddenly see the face of James Buchanan Barnes staring at him with dead eyes was very alarming, and Tony couldn’t help but straighten his arm a bit more. The Soldier took no notice and turned back to face the poster.

“Did Captain America mourn Bucky as he did you?” The Soldier’s voice was heavy with a Russian accent and they spoke like the language was foreign to them but that didn’t distract Tony from the words.

“I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t alive in 1945.” Tony answered trying not to think that Steve thought he was dead.

“You didn’t have to be. Do you know where Captain America is now?” Tony didn’t answer, assuming The Soldier didn’t want him to. He was right as The Soldier continued to talk, “He’s looking for you.”

“He thinks I’m dead.” Tony paused but when The Soldier didn’t say anything he opened his mouth again, “I’m assuming you had something to do with that.” The Soldier’s lips twitched as is if they wanted to smirk but didn’t dare to do so. 

“I thought it would be, what you humans call, a social experiment.” A voice came from behind Tony and he spun on his heel to aim, only to have his arm caught in an icy grip. Tony met unfamiliar green eyes on a familiar pale face. “Tony Stark.” The Asgardian murmured and waved the fingers of his free hand until Tony’s gauntlet fell away.

“Loki?” Tony stared in disbelief. This day was getting even harder to comprehend.

“You haven’t changed one bit,” Loki commented tracing his eyes up and down Tony’s body.

“You have.” Tony wasn’t scared of Loki. He couldn’t be knowing all the stories Thor would tell them of his brother, “What’s with the green eyes, Coldplay?”

Loki’s top lip almost automatically curled up into a scowl and he tightened his grip on Tony’s wrist. “This is my natural eye colour.” He all but spat. Tony was determined to not let the pain show on his face.

“Then what was with the blue contacts?” Tony pressured. 

“A problem that has been resolved,” Loki answered sharply while pulling Tony’s arm to bring him forward and then twisting Tony around so his arm as behind his back so that he could easily manoeuvre Tony. He pushed Tony over towards where The Soldier was sat so Tony was stood opposite where they were sat.

“So I have some questions,” Tony stated, clearly disgruntled about being manhandled.

“if you kneel like a good boy I might answer some,” Loki answered and put pressure down on Tony’s arm. Tony snorted but then whipped around, incredulously, to stare at Loki when the pressure didn’t stop.

“You’re serious?” Loki just gave him an unimpressed look.

“You kneel willingly and I might answer some questions. You make me make you kneel and… well… I bet you look so pretty on your knees. I know Winter does.” Tony looked at The Soldier, momentarily forgetting they were there. They had looked up slightly at the mention of their name but made no other movements. Tony weighed his options quickly and then bent his leg slightly. He could see the grin growing on Loki’s face in his peripheral vision and he caught the amused glint in The Soldier’s eye but Tony kept his head high as he knelt down. “There we go.” Loki cooed at Tony and Tony locked his jaw at the condescending tone.

“You’ll answer my questions now?” Tony enquired when he was sat on his heels and Loki had let go of his arm.

“Maybe,” Loki hummed and walked around to sit on the sofa to the left of the solider, spreading his legs enough to make him look powerful but not ridiculous and he placed a hand in The Soldier’s hair. Said Soldier leaned slightly into the touch and closed their eyes at the feeling, dropping their head. “Hands behind your back,” Loki ordered, “and I should warn you, if you attempt to harm either of us or move out of your position, the suicide note won’t be completely wrong.” Tony took a deep breath and dragged each arm behind his back until his hands rested on his feet. Loki hummed and gripped The Soldier’s hair tighter forcing them to look at Tony. “Isn’t he pretty sat there like that?” The Soldier hummed in agreement. Tony shifted slightly at the attention but stopped at Loki’s harsh glare. Soon after, Loki released his grip and continued to run his long fingers through The Soldier’s hair.

Tony took the silence as his cue to start asking questions, “So my big one is why did you create my suicide?”

“I told you,” Loki tilted his head slightly, “Social experiment.”

“And what social experiment would that be?” Tony gritted through his teeth. He was getting really annoyed at this whole thing.

“How easily would people accept that Tony Stark killed himself. The answer is fairly easy apparently, since your Captain America is the only one who went looking for you, and we think that’s only because he feels guilty for not searching for his Bucky.” The Soldier growled at the name and Tony locked eyes with them. “You know,” Loki pulled Tony’s attention back, “They didn’t even call the blonde you’re always with, Poppy is it?” Tony didn’t correct him. 

“They’re going to figure out I’m not really dead. I just spoke to Natasha and they’ll probably figure it out when no one knows what they’re talking about.” Tony pointed out coming to realise how stupid the situation was.

“Ah yes, the Black Widow, although she probably drank so much, she’ll pass it off as a dream, or may not even remember it at all. As with with everyone else, why would they know any different?” Tony furrowed his eyebrows in question and Loki sighed delicately. “Let’s assume,” Loki restarted, “that your Avengers do tell other people that you committed suicide. With your absence, people will start to believe them, eventually. Especially when there is no body found.” 

“Okay, so you’re either here to kill me or kidnap me. Nice to be able to narrow it down.” Tony summed up and Loki sighed again but this time adoringly.

“So observant, but not as observant as you could be if you haven’t figured out which one we decided to go with.” Loki’s eyes never stopped watching Tony.

“Kidnapping,” Tony concluded and Loki smirked.

“He’s so smart. Don’t you think, Winter?” The Soldier lifted their head slightly again and hummed again in agreement. “Do you think he’s figured out why we’re kidnapping him?” The Soldier gave no reply but continued to watch Tony with glassy eyes. Loki tightened his grip at the silence and forced The Soldier to look at him. “I asked a question,” Loki pressured but The Soldier looked unbothered.

“No. He probably thinks we want him to build something,” The Soldier finally answered and was rewarded with a loser grip in his hair. To be fair, The Soldier was right. Tony had thought that they wanted him to build The Soldier a new arm or something, which, honestly, they could have just asked nicely about since Tony wanted to get his hands on that arm since he knew it existed.

“So why, then? If I don’t know. Because whatever it is I doubt it’s worth having to listen to me twenty-four/seven.” Tony raised an eyebrow and Loki raised one in return.

“There are many ways to get you to shut up, but I prefer to hear my partners.” Tony’s eyebrows furrowed at the wording. 

“If you wanted sex, you could have just asked,” Tony shrugged. Loki’s smirk grew and The Soldier opened one eye to look at him under his mane of hair.

“What we want is much more than sex. We want to destroy you. Take you apart piece by piece and stitch you back up in a way that is made for us. We want you to want everything that is handed to you and take it with no complaints. There’s a mortal phrase for it isn’t there?”

“We say jump, you ask how high,” The Soldier filled in.

“Exactly.” Loki’s maniacal grin grew, “We’re insatiable and you are all we can eat.” The Soldier watched Tony’s neck move as he gulped. Tony went to open his mouth again to ask another question but Loki interrupted him, “I’m bored of questions now. Be quiet.” 

Tony scoffed and opened his mouth again, but froze at a new discovery. Loki watched intently as Tony realised that no matter how hard he tried no words would come out, rendering him speechless. The Soldier pulled his head up fully to also watch Tony in his panic. It was sadistic really, them watching Tony try to scream to get any noise out with amused looks on their faces. They just sat and watched him struggle. After a while, Tony realised that trying to talk was no use so he started to move but Loki glared at him with such fury that he stopped, probably looking like a deer caught in headlights.

He was essentially helpless. But he was also Tony Stark. He didn’t need his snide or wit. Nor did he need to move… much. He was a genius. And he had a literal robot butler connected to his house. 

Tony waited until Loki and The Soldier had settled. Loki leaning back, still watching him, and The Soldier had closed his eyes again. Tony took a deep breath and closed his eyes lightly, moving his neck in a circle and smiling at the satisfying clicks.

“Don’t move,” Loki ordered but there wasn’t much heat behind it. Tony opened his eyes again, nonetheless, and locked them with Loki’s.

Despite not being in the penthouse much, Tony still built it and still knew where everything was. There would have been a camera directly behind him, installed in the table, but the Ironman poster was blacking it. The next camera was in the kitchen to the side. Tony could get his hands to face the direction but he would have to be quick and he would have to make sure The Soldier wasn’t watching. It was just a matter of what he should sign. He made sure JARVIS understood sign language because sometimes Clint would get too lazy to speak. JARVIS could also project sign back, in case he had to tell Clint something when his hearing aids were out, but Tony needed him to really not project anything back.

He could call the suit but he had a feeling that if the suit didn’t get to him in time things might go wrong or maybe The Soldier would be able to intercept it if they heard it coming. Tony took another deep breath, still remaining eye contact with Loki, and quickly signed 5 letters in the direction of the camera.


End file.
